BEGINNERS AND SAFEWORDS
We have all been newbies in one thing or another at various points of our lives, but the good news is we don’t have to remain a novice forever. Exploring bondage sex with your partner could be so much fun, but before you start you must decide on a safeword, or action as the case may be. While you may be tempted to think this is of little importance, it actually isn’t.
Why must you have a safeword? The safeword you choose will serve as a safety net. It is to help you and your play partner stick to a trust based consensual role-playing. When you use the safeword, you will both know when you actually need to catch your breath or need a change of scenario, or are distressed.
Some types of bondage play e.g. chastity play or sensory deprivation are featuring more intense and detailed roles. No one knows you like you do, and this is why you are the only one that can tell, your level of comfort or discomfort during sexual play.
Sex is all about bond, and when partners have a safeword or action when playing, they can build the level of trust they have in each other.
WHY IS A SAFEWORD IMPORTANT?
REASONS TO INTRODUCE SAFEWORDS TO YOUR PLAY
We would never compromise on safety, and neither should you! As you are getting all kinky, you may find yourself in a situation where you need to speak out depending on what you need done for or to you.
We would like to help you understand what makes your safeword so important, so we have come up with a list of situations where a safeword could just be your best move:
- There is too much pain involved and it has to stop immediately
- Panic has set in during play
- Discomfort with a newly introduced scene or role
- Breathlessness and feelings of suffocation or anything similar
- Feelings of dizziness and nausea
- Need for a break or short discussion to pass a message across before play continues
- Ensure you already agreed on a safeword or action before the scene starts
- Use the safety word immediately if you begin to feel uncomfortable
- Do not throw your safeword around. If you do not need it, do not say it!
- Avoid entering a scene with someone who thinks a safeword is not necessary
- Your safeword shouldn't be “no”, “quit” or “stop” or anything sexual as this can get confusing
HOW TO CHOOSE A SAFEWORD
Having problems deciding on your safeword? Hmm..... You may want to try the good old traffic light system. This is pretty easy to remember and quite straightforward to use:
- simply means Stop! The discomfort is too much and the play should end immediately.
"Yellow or Amber"
– means Slow down, the limit is almost reached. When this safeword is used, it could also mean that a break is needed or an issue has to be attended to.
"Green" – GO! Don't stop, GO ON!!!
- In this situation, there is no need to stop, in fact, more is needed indeed.
Alternatively, you can use any singular word you like in case you do not dig the traffic light system all that much. Look below for some great tips that would help you in picking a favourite safeword that works best for you and your partner:
- Pick a word that is funny or uncommon enough to break the scene immediately
- Avoid multisyllabic and compound words. Stick to short, non-complicated words like “Kenya” or “melons”
- Pick a word you can easily remember
It might interest you to know that “safeword” is actually the favourite safeword of many BDSM players. This is because it follows all the rules, sharp, easy to remember and straightforward!
Once your partner uses your safeword, STOP! Play must be put on hold while you attend to your play partner.
Sometimes you might want to enjoy pleasure in silence. Perhaps play about with your new ball gag. In this case, you must choose a non-verbal safeword, or safe action as well that is perfectly clear and understood. The gag wearer should be the one to decide on what this unspoken safeword will be, so they can remember it quickly when needed. We have come up with a few ideas to show you how to go about deciding your safe action. You can decide on
- blinking the eyes repeatedly for an agreed number of times
- ringing a tiny bell close by
- opening and closing your palms rapidly
- snapping your fingers
- tapping a piece of furniture close by for say, 3 times
- dropping something which had been held in one hand the whole time
- Before you begin anything at all, agree on your safe action
- If you would need an object to use as part of your safe action, ensure it is readily available
- Avoid using a gag before you agree on your safe action
PLAY AND BE SAFE
You and your lover should agree on everything about your bondage role playing. Once everything is set, explore and discover an incredible sexual journey together!
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